demented+demoiselle's Journal
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Sunday, July 19, 2009
3:20AM
Been a long time...just wanted to say:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANCINE!!! Come home already dammit!!!
He he he...:)
Current mood:  dorky Current music: HP Theme...for some reason
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
11:26AM
I know it's kinda late, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! He-i-ye-wo-oh!
Sorry for the late greeting, Francine. I swear I didn't forget, just had some setbacks that prevented me from sending my regards to you!
Hope your day was great that time and that you enjoyed basking in your glory on that special occasion!
Miss you, smurf.
Current mood:  bouncy
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I was the good student. I got good enough grades and an immaculate school record. I was a reputable pupil, one that speaks her mind well and with good sense. I was respectful to my authorities and made sure I never got caught with my crazy/stupid antics. I knew I would have little trouble finding my spot in the “real world”.
Four months. Four months until I found a freakin’ job. I didn’t attend the training period on my first acceptance in the working industry, dropped my second employment offer after a day’s traumatic incident, left my third company due to my nymphomaniac boss, and discarded my fourth due to my immediate supervisor’s delusional supremacy. After months of merely trying out different jobs-fleeting from one vocation to the next like a lost butterfly- I stumbled upon an awkward career which I came to love wholeheartedly. The job type doesn’t differ much from the kind that I would look down upon months before. Alas…I now belong there.
I am an English teacher that caters to Asian foreigners, mostly Koreans, in an academy that I do not deem to be an actual place of education. We are a stepping stone toward real learning, or rather a pebble amongst others in a pathway to which students simply crush with their expensive Prada heels to reach the house of genuine studying. I don’t care at all for what we are but it shames me to say that I cower at the very thought of voicing out what I do for a living. I envy the lazy bastards and the bimbo bitches that got good positions at big companies. I harbor no greater pain than myself. I turned down those very same positions. I disregarded my chances. I knew I wanted to be some place else.
They say that it takes time finding the streets that lead you to your destination, so I guess it’s a lifetime of being lost for me as I have no idea where I want to go. I have no particular road to tread on. Lucky Dorothy and her damn yellow-brick road! Screw the cowardly lion, the tin man, and the scarecrow as well! And fuck Toto!
I’m alone.
Funny, again everyone moved on but me. I’m jealous that they have what they have and that they are what they are right now. But I am honestly happy for them, my friends (at least the real ones), that they achieved their trophies with just one try. I was always the player doomed to fumble and fall ‘til I get a clean shot. It sucks to be me he he.
Friends are what I consider to be an item of luxury. Only, you have to buy them by paying your trust- and I’m always short of currency for that. I’m happy, but not in a way that I thought I would be. Luck, timing, titles, connections, and looks have nothing to do with what you will become as part of a work force, you can only be whatever is provided to you. Availability. Bullcrap. So now I’m walking along a blind curve, no one to ask directions from or even a guide. But it’s okay, I like where I am as of now. Lost and lonely…but I’m okay.
Thank goodness for chocolates!
Current mood:  pessimistic
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
12:59AM
I quit my first job!
1) My boss is a pervert (ass-grabbin', boob-feelin', thigh-rubbin', shoulder-massagin', hair-fondlin', hand-snaggin'-to-place-on-his-dick kind of guy). He is sometimes quite the gentleman and he can be very accomodating (maybe because I have breasts)...but a sex maniac is as it is. He ain't touchin' me much...yet-'cause I'm new.
2) No one talks to me. I tried to be friendly and funny and all-nada!
3) Everyone is inconsiderate of the newbie. Apparently I don't get to eat or even have at least 2 seconds to scratch my ass! 14 hours with no break, no food-not even a sip of water-is not very nice people!
4) I show up at the office alone and scared. They don't seem to be mindful of the time. The security guard always seemed sutprised to see me there on my own.
5) Our office is a shithole! I ain't exagerating people...
6) My desk is...a pile of trash.
7) My work is hell-loooooooooong hours and minimal pay. The stress can kill anyone.
So instead of waiting to die from terminal disappointment, I quit. This is why they didn't want to hire me in the first place-it's my first job and virgins in this kind of industry will either fail miserably or end up shooting themselves.
I may have proven them right but at least I made my point!
If you deem me to be a wuss, I say you go on ahead and try out for Spark Inc. It's located at 61 11th Ave Corner, Cubao QC. :)
Current mood: pessimistic Current music: Jumper_Third Eye Blind
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
1:31AM
I know, in a way, I'm being unfair to myself. On the other hand, what if my "urges" are mere ecplanations for what I ultimately need?
All I have now is a mien of sad confusion...and I hate when I'm left with no answers. I try to come up with decent replies and all I can conjure up from them are more questions. Stupid.
How does one let go completely? -Seriously ('_')
Current mood:  depressed Current music: This Woman's Work by Maxwell
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
9:09PM
And for the record, my friend...anger did not endow me the will to update my LJ, thus successfully debunking what you've said before. :)
Current mood:  amused
6:47PM
JUMPER by Third Eye Blind
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand...
This song best defines my state of psyche if ever there is still a hint of sanity left in even a single fiber of my being.
K...J...Thanks for tolerating my madness
Current mood:  confused
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
11:25PM
I wanted to debunk my friend's notion that I only post messages on my LJ when I'm pissed...but I think she got me right for now.
What the hell:
-Ahem-
"What the fuck did you do?"
"I didn't do anything! I didn't even know! I would've kept quiet had I known, but everyone decided to keep me out of the loop!"
"It was a simple question that didn't require you're personal viewpoint! You hurt her badly, man!"
"I didn't know..."
I really had no idea. If out of concern they kept us out of it for our sake then why should I be blamed for talking?!!!!! I didn't know! We're goin' 'round in circles again. I'm not stupid, if you all wanted it that way then fine I'm out!
I am NOT apologizing!
Current mood:  angry Current music: Perfect Enemy_TATU
Sunday, March 18, 2007
2:24AM
KELANGANTALAGAMAYPICTURESPAYUNGENTRYMO???!!!
Friday, February 9, 2007
11:38PM
Where does evil lie when it is well hidden in the dark?
I don't understand myself anymore and it kills me.
Anybody wanna buy my heart facsimile?
Current mood: numb Current music: no music...it sucks
Friday, December 22, 2006
I'm numb because of you. Anger, sorrow, pain, abandonment, betrayal...they all fall under the category of "nothing" as of current. My smiles are expensive these days. Speaking of...do you know how much FUCKING pride I had to set aside to ask for help?! Dude, I was willing to give "mine" up for you. God you're special! But thank the Lord someone blew me back to my senses. Must you discover how little of "it" you have in order to sum up an ounce of courage to take action? You're a coward. I hate weak. Alas, though I may speak of cruel words now...I still love you.
I'm still here, right? With you.
And I love and loathe this. "Of abnormal pain, I live."
Current mood:  distressed Current music: The Way I Feel_12 Stones
Friday, December 8, 2006
Why can't some people shut the FUCK UP?!
Rude.
Childish.
Envious.
Boastful.
LIAR.
Lord...give me strength to face that DEMON.
If I were given one wish, I'd ask that I never should've met Satan's spawn...screw world peace!
Current mood: infuriated Current music: Not Meant For Me_Wayne Static
Monday, December 4, 2006
9:26PM
I applaud myself for having to carry on with this act up to now. I wonder for how much longer I can pursue lies and distrust?
Well done, Mars, well done...
Current mood: discontent Current music: Me and the Moon_Something Corporate
Sunday, December 3, 2006
7:18AM
LIZ!!!!!!!!
Ano yung "Goong" na toh at bakit ngayon ko lang ito nalalaman?! Nakita mo na ba yung bago ng TVXQ? Natulala ako sa harap ng TV...so ewan, you know?
Current mood:  stressed Current music: Welcome to the Black Parade
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
5:46PM
I like this girl from a younger batch
Whenever I see her...I can't help but to stare
Pretending to look the other way
But my eyes follow her like the flower would the sun
And I stalk her every breath
After which, my day is done
But nothing is well...
Current mood:  giddy Current music: Paramita
Thursday, August 31, 2006
12:12PM
Night before my bday, me and my film friends ate at Teriyaki Boy...I made them wear stupid costumes then made them behave according to what their outfits suggest. They called four waiters to sing to me...shame! Had fun! Thanks to everyone who greeted me on my birthday. For those who never got a reply, it's either I was dead tired and was sleeping all throughout the day (as I am rarely given the opportunity) or I did give a reply but the lines were crappy. Had a very ordinary day; basically I just slept and we ordered pizza. Miss you Francine! Sorry about your...uh...unfortunate incident. If I were there I'd rape the asshole for you...ten times! Hehe.:)
Happy with our film class, yes I am! I might cry when it's all over...I don't want it to go away...:(
Now i really want to be a director...
Current mood:  high Current music: Tanjobi Omedetto (Happy Bday in Japan)
Thursday, July 13, 2006
4:36PM
Why the FUCK do people have to make such a big deal out of nothing?! Past is past...if that someone absolutely means nothing to you then why the FUCK do you give a damn to what she has said and done? She's nobody to you so why do you care?!
We're not even through with half of the sem and already we're drowning with workload! SHIT!
Current mood: angry Current music: Stillness_paramita
Saturday, January 21, 2006
11:37PM
I waited for years for "that" to come, only to realize "it" did not belong to me at the very end...
When all hopes were already donated to "its" box
When all my time was wisely wasted for "it"
When all versions of my ego lay on the floor so that I may paint a perfect masterpiece for "it"
And when my heart facsimile lay on the line for "it"
"It" was not given to me, for I (as perceived by another) am not deserving of "it"
WELL FUCK YOU ALL!!!
What I love and hate and fear about myself is that I put Lady Vengeance high up on a pedestal
I am terrified that I might sabotage our "it"
Wrong as it may be...I am lusting for destruction
I have never been this selfish, absurd, and right.
Current mood:  predatory Current music: Slept So Long_Jay Gordon
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
8:20PM
Merry Christmas everyone!!! Francine maligayang pasko sa iyo at sa pamilya mo!:)
Dec 23, 2005:I was excited about today, our barkada was having a christmas gimik...supposedly. Then I found out there will only be just the three of us (Mich, Berna, and me). It was still fun as always! We met at about 5pm in Katip then went to Glorietta...watched a movie (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was hilarious!)then went home but decided to stop by that carnival in Cubao. We were scared shit on that cheap haunted house they had...then I almost died in VIKING (ersatz of EK's Anchors away). It was...what...10 in the evening? Stayed over at berna's...mcdo delivery then had a picnic at the clubhouse (kami na lang tao) 2am...freaking freezing by the way...chatted...watched anime (Samurai Champloo yeah!) and slept at 6am. It was great wasting hours with them...I miss my HS friends.
This new year...will be no different from the last 2 decades of my life...unless I make it so...which I probably won't...
I miss you guys! Happy holidays!:)
Take care always...
Current mood: weird
Sunday, December 4, 2005
3:12PM
Friday night was one hell of an experience. My friend picked me up REAL late that evening because she needed to take her mind off some difficulties. I suggested drinking but she insisted on watching a film. I told her a movie was ok but that I've had enough of the Potter mania so I would have none of that. We agreed on "Prime" starring Uma Thurman. Inside the theater...we were quite noisy. A lady, who looked liked a character from one of Rowling's books, approached us:
"YOU ARE SO FUCKING NOISY! THIS IS A CIVILIZED MOVIE HOUSE! PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN!"
We were so frightened we turned rigid and mute for the rest of the film. We never got to enjoy the movie...
Current mood:  embarrassed
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